12 January 2015

Five Things in 2015

1. Clean my oven every six months

I began coming up with my official resolutions while doing my year-end cleaning, specifically while cleaning my oven. It was gross in there and totally unnecessary. I enjoy baking. I admit I like seeing a well-used oven. But there's used, and there's dirty. My oven's interior was dirty. And I had to clean it twice to really get all the stuff out. The fact is, my oven would be a lot easier to clean if I cleaned it more than once a year. So. I'll clean it twice a year. I'll call that "progress."

2. Cook meals

I'm such a merry baker!
I love to bake. Baking is great. You mix your stuff. You pop it into your (dirty) oven. By the time you're done cleaning up, you have a yummy manifestation of happiness.

I do not love to cook. Cooking is preparing and approximating and just generally active. When you're done cooking, you have a meal and a mess. The leftovers might be just as good - depending on what you've made. Also, when you're done eating a meal, you still want something akin to a baked manifestation of happiness anyway. So why not just skip to the end?

Because health. The health is in the cooking. It's not just in vegetable juices and it's definitely not in baking. (Trust me.) I ate out a lot in 2014. I blamed my social calendar. I blamed my job. I blamed being single. But the reality is that I didn't cook because I don't like cooking. And my health has suffered. So it is with a grumpy heart that I announce in 2015, I'll cook.

3. Write everyday

I feel it's what I'm meant to do. There will be blog posts. There will be journal entries. There will be letters and there may even be essays. I love writing. I wrote for a really long time, and then I stopped. At the time, stopping was easier than writing about uncertainty. I've since learned uncertainty is constant. And fear is not worth abandoning something that's an essential part of who I am.

4. Dance

When I was kid, my dad would play music in the basement. I think he did it because he loved music. In my kid-mind though, he did because I loved to dance. I would dance in a corner by myself. And I always had a blast. I still love to dance. So I'm going to dance.

5. Go home... Quarterly

From the last trip home...
I'm going to visit my family more often. I thought to move back to the east coast, but realized the Bay Area pushes me to be my most successful self. At the same time, I want to be more present with my family. So I'll make more trips home.

Those are the big ones - the goals I'm going to challenge myself to meet. I assure you, skeptic, the aforementioned tasks are more difficult than you think, especially considering the following points.
  • Don't underestimate how much I don't like to clean my oven. It's certainly going to take more energy for me to do that than it will for me to abandon unfulfilling relationships or work for success in a new career.
  • I would rather take up running again than cooking. And running hurts me physically.
  • Vacuous social media posts come at a lower personal cost than sharing what I'm really thinking / feeling / wondering.
  • The idea of dancing in front of and / or with other people hasn't gotten me excited just yet. It actually makes me slightly nauseated.
  • Being home more brings the risk of being involved more in things that honestly shouldn't concern me. It's easier to preserve my personal space from 3,000 miles away. But distance also makes it easier to miss moments that matter.
I think my resolutions do what good resolutions do. They challenge me. They fill me with a little fear and a lot of daydreams. It's no secret that I was not a fan of 2014. It feels great to have reasons to look forward.

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