15 July 2012

30.5

No doubt, it's been a party. I've been selfish. I've been (responsibly) reckless. I've been ridiculously indulgent.

I've been happy. And I'm pleased to report none of that is about to change.

Still, I feel a need - a propulsion really - to take or define my next steps. This may be the pressure people expected I'd feel along with my last birthday, or rather something akin to it. I don't feel any actual pressure or obligation to do anything. I just feel like I want to do something. It's glorious in the simplicity of its origin. I want to look forward & shape my next decade. The last one was full of responsibility and obligation and discipline. And that worked well. No one could argue me a failure. Counterintuitively, it's time to take some risks.

I've grown bored. With complete faith I can execute what's expected, I realize I have to set my sights higher. I have to raise my expectations of myself and of those around me. I have to try new things, in new places. I have to let go of behaviors or (in)actions directed toward me. I have to be as confident as everyone thinks I am. To me this means... well I don't know what it means. But  finding out seems like it's going to be a lot of fun.