21 May 2012

The Reasons

I always say "later."
I always say "when the ducks are in a row," "the stars aligned," and "when the poop is in its proper group."

I always have a reason why I can't, even though there are so many reasons  I should.
Even now -- in these moments I'm taking between that thing that's overdue and that other thing I want to start -- it feels good. It feels right. It feels cathartic.

As The Musician loves to quip: "you know you're a writer, right?"

I am. It's what I like to do, and I can't explain why I don't do it.

I'll never get to tell the tales I've been meaning to tell, especially if I don't make any effort to try. My hesitation (as always) comes from a self-imposed set of rules I am loathe to break.  I feel it's my obligation -- for your visit to my Internet Living Room -- to be a proper hostess. I want to pour you a drink, offer a homemade snack, and ease your mind into the adventure that is my life. But I don't really have time for company. At best I can meet you at a bar, where we huddle at a table while I rant and you try to keep up.

My life is not where I thought it would be. It's better. I can't exactly tell you why. I definitely have more stresses and less free time. I'm more frustrated and my future is more muddled. I have thrice as many gray hairs as I did last year. At least. Still, I wake up smiling. I swear I can taste excitement in the air. I giggle a lot. I compliment strangers. I cannot be bothered by the small stuff and... things are just great. You guys were there when I was (what my mom calls) snake-belly low, so I'm obligated (by me) to share with you now that I'm not.

I'm inviting you to my Internet bar. And the first round is on me

No comments:

Post a Comment