03 June 2011

A Step Toward Enlightenment

I received a phone call this week telling me my Fairtex membership is about to expire. At first I was shocked, because I thought my contract was a year long. Secondly, I was disappointed. I haven't come close to getting my membership dues' worth out of it. I had grand plans, but allowed myself to be diverted by legitimate responsibilities. It's another fitness failure, like losing these last 15 - 20 pounds. I put it out of my mind for most of the day, but it crept back in as I headed home. I asked myself what it would take to get me up and packed and to the gym. I asked myself why I didn't push myself harder. I gave myself a long list of excuses, but it really boils down to convenience. It's not convenient for me to get up, get dressed, pack for the day and take the bus to the gym. It takes too much forethought, and keeps me from packing a lunch. It occurred to me the only logical recourse was to turn in my Muay Thai card. The idea was unsettling. But I think it put me on the right track.

I've been looking at myself lately, and at relationships in general. I've started talking to the people around me. They've been there all along, but I've just recently started getting to know them. The results are fascinating. I spend my work day with other newly singles. Aside from where we work and what makes us laugh, we are united in each being one half of a failed relationship. The coincidence can not be ignored. Who are we? And what is it that makes us relationship kryptonite? Yes, that's a slight exaggeration, but in talking to one coworker friend, there were a lot of similarities in what her ex told her to what XBFJ told me. She and I realized our most significant common factor was our shared environment. What happens in our workplace is atypical to what happens in other offices. There is a lot of yelling, a fair amount of overreacting and a healthy heaping of cussing. I'm not saying it's good. Nor am I saying it's good. I am saying it's easy to come to believe the way in which we interact is an acceptable way to treat outsiders. And it's not. And that's why I'm okay giving up Muay Thai.

I don't need more aggression. I do need a longer attention span. I don't need to unleash more power. I need to learn to control it. I need inner calm. I need yoga. I joined a Bikram studio. Yes, that's the hot one. It's just a few blocks from my apartment, meaning I'm very much more likely to actually go. The classes are at the same time, 7 days a week. Mentally, I need to work on my discipline and flexibility. Physically, I need to do the same. I tell people one of the perks of what I do is being able to leave work, at work. But it appears I wasn't doing that. Judging by my surroundings, it's time to start.