06 November 2010

The Blur That Was August 2010

August could be described politely as a “blur,” but more honestly as an “emotional cluster.” The first priority after the cruise was to lose the weight gained. Personally, I was looking forward to not having any obligations. It’s been a busy two years here you know. First we lived in a horrible studio apartment, where someone broke into my car. It took months for Jesse to get a good, steady job. I kept going to Vegas. We had to save and plan for Ryan’s wedding. We had to save and plan for my dad’s wedding. And in the interim there was Thanksgiving 1, Christmas 1, Thanksgiving 2 and Christmas 2. We had yet to spend time in San Francisco with nothing on the horizon. August was to be our time. Of course that didn’t pan out as planned, but it was even more confusing than previously described. Sparing you the finest of details, here’s how it went.

We arrived in San Francisco on a Saturday. That Sunday we went to see Inception. At that point, Jesse had been trying to see it for weeks. He had planned to go with his dad when it opened – hoping to leave his mom to people watch – but it never happened. So we got up early, ate breakfast at The Nook (our last trip to The Nook), and continued on our way. One or two blocks later, Jesse dumped me (the first time). He did it in casual conversation, as we were walking from Point A to Point B. He gave his blah blah reasons and I’m sure they involved other words. I cried and I blubbered and (dare I say) interrupted the walking. As I look back on it, he handled it quite poorly. Sure Jesse stopped to console me, but (as we only had so much time before the movie) it was rushed. We went to the movie and I tried to enjoy it. But I cried at the hint of romance and love. And if you’ve seen the movie, you know those themes cannot be escaped.

I sobbed as we went about our errands, negotiating and rationalizing. For a while, it worked. Jesse rescinded. He said we didn’t have to dissolve our union, and while my rational side told me he was just trying to stop my blubbering, I clung to those words fervently. I was going to save our relationship! I was envisioning the montage of ways in which I would make him love me again. It was going to be wonderful. Did I reek of desperation? Yes, yes I did.

But I had help in the delusion that all was not lost. Life continued as normal. I started a GNC detox program. It was recommended by both my mother & brother and allowed eating. It was a good program, bringing me different meal combinations that involved a lot of soy. I was pleased. Even the powdered stuff was delicious, especially with Pom. Success.

A sample breakfast.

Overpriced, overbilled, and totally delicious.

The first weekend after the faux-dumping, we again went out for breakfast. I would learn this to be a BU-tactic. Jesse likes to address my sadness with presents.

Cable car repair work.

French toast, La Boulange style.

Salmon salad.

That night we watched Anderson Silva very nearly lose his UFC title. The pattern emerged. Jesse was restless (read: drunk) and re-dumped me at the end of the night. I cried. The next day he made it seem as if things were nearly normal. He said I looked good & took my picture. He took me out for gourmet burgers at Hubert Keller’s Burger Bar. Hope? Not so much.

Gourmet burger bar.

Dessert First.


But dear readers, things unraveled, and as much as I tried (really, truly tried) there was no denying it.