23 September 2010

Awkward Transition

It's difficult to tell a story when you don't want to get to the end. I've been unable to write about the rest of July. I can't genuinely recount all my happy experiences knowing they will be followed by such intense sadness. I've had a draft for what feels like a month. And this is all I have:

My math may be faulty, but I'm telling the stories here and I say there were five weeks in July. We're just finishing the third.

We went to another baseball game the Sunday after we went to San Jose. The five of us crammed onto a muni train and headed to AT&T Park for a Giants / Mets game. It was a beautiful day at a beautiful park. Peg & I watched Janna race up the ramp and disappear. By the time saw her again, she had already been around the park taking pictures and buying a hat. We had great seats in the sun and all was right in the world. And then it wasn't.

Everything was very wrong.

It's not my story and I'm not going to tell it. But it was traumatizing. And in my heart I know it contributed to my current "ex" status. It shouldn't have, but it did. Everything happens for a reason right?

Activities after the game were suspended, not that we had anything planned besides a bar stop. We left the game. Peg left for home the next morning. Gary & Janna left the vacation rental and came to our place for an extra day to relax. Jesse came home early and the trio spent the day together. Gary & Janna hit the road the next morning (Tuesday, 20 July) and Jesse and I had two days to prepare for our next familial obligation. I think he was

That's it. I've sat at this computer dozens of times with the intent to transition into my dad's wedding and I haven't been able to do it. I keep replaying the days, trying to decide exactly when Jesse decided to dump me. It's clouding everything. And that's a shame really, because without the ending, the story is really good.

22 July 2010
We started with a full day in New York, courtesy of a red eye flight. It was nice to be east, and to show the northeast to Jesse, who had never been. Ty was happy to see Jesse and I got to meet my youngest brother (Jordan) for the first time. In case you're wondering, I found him to be friendly, although (as you can see) he did not know what to make of me.

I talked to my dad while he drove, which is kind of what we do. Jordan, Ty & Jesse slept in the back, which is what they do. I saw my dad's new place (which is technically my stepmom's old place) and Jesse & I made breakfast for all. I gave my dad & Ty picture books from when Ty & Derek came to visit. Ty accused me of taking pictures behind his back. As I took pictures of my dad looking at the (other) pictures I had taken, I tried to explain the importance of documentation. Ty did not care.

Asleep.

Breakfast. "Danie you don't have to take pictures of everyTHING."

"Oh this is nice."

My dad (as I guess most grooms do) had a lot to do on that day before the wedding. I don't know what it all entailed, because I did my best to sleep through it. I don't know if you've ever slept with a baby on your chest, but it's the easiest way to make sure you sleep with one eye open. Every time I moved, I checked to see if I were squishing him. Every time he moved, I checked to make sure his breathing wasn't obstructed. I didn't want him to be cold, so (even though it was July) I covered him with a blanket. And then I uncovered him periodically to prevent any kind of heat rash. If I were to ever be a mom, I'd be that mom. You know, the one who keeps her kid in a bubble. I have a strong urge to protect. And I won't apologize for it.

Bottom line: Jordan survived the nap. Afterward, I was exhausted. And then we headed to the city.