18 December 2008

Toilet Humor

Generally, if I oversleep to the point of being an hour or more late for work, I'll have a bad day. Nothing goes right for me once I wake up in a panic and see things are a little too bright for the time of day it should be. Today I was only 10 minutes late and I realized that too has its repercussions.

I went about my day as I normally would, and that was my mistake.

I now get my morning caffeine from a kiosk that only takes cash. I don't have to bring my ID or anything with me, but I do. Usually it's in my hand or my jacket pocket. Today I stuck my ID / debit / credit card wallet in my back pocket. It was still there when I got back to work, and I promptly forgot about it.

Fast forward five hours and I'm done with work with one mission: Christmas cards. Jesse and I are behind on this year after year, and never learn. We took a picture last night that can best be described as rushed. Today I went to a kiosk to print out cards and mail them. The process of picking the background, choosing the text, and printing took less than a half hour. I gathered my stuff to go pay and my ID /debit / credit card wallet was gone.

I checked all my pockets. I checked all my backpack's pockets. I checked again and it was definitely gone. I retraced my steps back to work, crossing the same streets, checking gutters and grates along the way. No luck. I checked with the receptionist at work. Nope. My desk? Clean. Bathroom? Nothing. But I had to go anyway, so I took s break and I went. And I flushed.

And the toilet objected.

And I flushed again, this time with a look.

And there *I was, smiling up at myself from my ID.

The wallet had gone from the back pocket to the toilet with me being none the wiser. I left it there while I walked a half mile or so and made Christmas cards (which I had to leave at the store because I couldn't pay for them). While I panicked and scurried back, my most important pieces of plastic were floating in toilet water. What's worse? I peed on them! TWICE!

Gross? Extremely!

But I plucked it out, and scrubbed each card like no cards have ever been scrubbed before. The wallet was not so fortunate. I couldn't even think about cleaning it. Ick.

So. Here's what we should take away from today:
- People who don't usually have things in their back pockets shouldn't start now.
- Look before you squat. Look after you squat as well.
- Drink a lot of water. It may one day make a tough task easier.
- Wake up on time. Nothing beats starting the day the right way.



~ Danie D.

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