18 December 2008

Toilet Humor

Generally, if I oversleep to the point of being an hour or more late for work, I'll have a bad day. Nothing goes right for me once I wake up in a panic and see things are a little too bright for the time of day it should be. Today I was only 10 minutes late and I realized that too has its repercussions.

I went about my day as I normally would, and that was my mistake.

I now get my morning caffeine from a kiosk that only takes cash. I don't have to bring my ID or anything with me, but I do. Usually it's in my hand or my jacket pocket. Today I stuck my ID / debit / credit card wallet in my back pocket. It was still there when I got back to work, and I promptly forgot about it.

Fast forward five hours and I'm done with work with one mission: Christmas cards. Jesse and I are behind on this year after year, and never learn. We took a picture last night that can best be described as rushed. Today I went to a kiosk to print out cards and mail them. The process of picking the background, choosing the text, and printing took less than a half hour. I gathered my stuff to go pay and my ID /debit / credit card wallet was gone.

I checked all my pockets. I checked all my backpack's pockets. I checked again and it was definitely gone. I retraced my steps back to work, crossing the same streets, checking gutters and grates along the way. No luck. I checked with the receptionist at work. Nope. My desk? Clean. Bathroom? Nothing. But I had to go anyway, so I took s break and I went. And I flushed.

And the toilet objected.

And I flushed again, this time with a look.

And there *I was, smiling up at myself from my ID.

The wallet had gone from the back pocket to the toilet with me being none the wiser. I left it there while I walked a half mile or so and made Christmas cards (which I had to leave at the store because I couldn't pay for them). While I panicked and scurried back, my most important pieces of plastic were floating in toilet water. What's worse? I peed on them! TWICE!

Gross? Extremely!

But I plucked it out, and scrubbed each card like no cards have ever been scrubbed before. The wallet was not so fortunate. I couldn't even think about cleaning it. Ick.

So. Here's what we should take away from today:
- People who don't usually have things in their back pockets shouldn't start now.
- Look before you squat. Look after you squat as well.
- Drink a lot of water. It may one day make a tough task easier.
- Wake up on time. Nothing beats starting the day the right way.

~ Danie D.

Courtesy of my Verizon PinkBerry

1 comment:

  1. Oh dear! You know we were talking about this very topic the other day... because some of the people in my department have dropped their id badges down the dark depths of the toilet.

    Wonder if you could stick them in the dishwasher or that would melt them? Just a sanitary thought!

    You need to post that Christmas Card picture