11 September 2008

I Hope You Can Keep Up With Me

I have a lot on my mind right now. And while I have a draft written and ready for posting, I just feeling like sharing. Since it's my blog, I can do just that. I do invite you to do the same though. Friends are fun.

First up: pain. I went to Muay Thai tonight, for the first time since officially getting the new job. it was easy to miss classes by convincing myself certain things needed to be done. I have accomplished a lot, but I could have still gone to class. I think part of it was the fact that I'm quitting. I'll still fight in SFO, but not for the school that taught me the technique. I felt like a quitter but I went back today anyway. I find I need it.

My partner today was a guy (good) who was not afraid to treat me as his equal (great.) I've dealt with him once before, but only from behind a kicking shield. I knew he could chop a tree with his shin. I did not know he could also bend one in the clinch. His technique was not perfect - he essentially used his body weight to pull on my neck. I knew he was not doing it properly, but I figured (1) that could be the case in a fight and I needed to deal and (2) it was working, so it could have been all bad. I suffered for a three minute round and now (and even then) I hurt. It doesn't hurt that I missed two weeks of classes. I did other workouts in that time, but they're not the same.

Next: today is today. It's 9/11. I don't like it and I really feel bad for anyone whose birthday is forever marred. There are lots of reasons not to like today. As a news producer, I have the challenge every year of saying the same thing in a different way. It's challenging to be different, yet do the same thing.

More than that, I don't like remembering. I watched "9/11 As It Happened" on MSNBC briefly and it took me about one minute to start crying. I didn't want it to be happening then and I certainly wish I could not look now.

Even deeper, I believe those who died were not only the victims of terrorists -- but also of a country that had picked fights abroad and arrogantly refused to believe it could be touched. I also believe it's still "too soon" to admit that. As a result, we still play the victim and retaliate, instead of the punished learning humility.

But I have cause for celebration as well. Today marks two years since I started the job that I am now about to leave. It wasn't a smooth road in the beginning, but it got there. I didn't always do the best job, but I always had the best intentions.

That brings me to memories. As people come up to me and congratulate me - or even as they walk by me in the building -- I think about what I might miss about them. I have a lot of good memories of a lot of good people. Of course not all memories are good, and I will not pretend otherwise. But I've made really good friends here. I am not excited to leave them. I'd rather they come with me, to share my experiences. I will send detailed reports, but it just won't be the same without the familiar faces making the familiar comments. I'm ready to leave Las Vegas. But I want my friends to come with me.