Thursday
27 March
We left the Wynn and went to the Peppermill for breakfast. Somewhere along the way, I slipped under a dark cloud. I was quiet and almost angry. We went to Target and Blockbuster and still this cloud followed me. Jesse asked me what was wrong and I almost couldn't pinpoint it. But it was fear.
I told him I didn't know what to do with him. I didn't want to fall back into the way things were because I'd be miserable if he left. He said he wasn't planning anything, and I knew that. But not planning doesn't necessarily mean he won't go off on another adventure. I said it would be stupid of me to leave myself open for a depressing repeat. I was scared and I was angry for no real reason. I didn't want to be, and I'm not sure if he understood my position. But it was the truth.
Eventually the cloud dissipated. I went to the gym, and to kick boxing, and didn't have time to dwell on it. Jesse was asleep when I got home (staying up past 8:30 has been an issue) but he woke up briefly before I went to bed and it was nice to have him there. It's been sunshine ever since.
27 March
We left the Wynn and went to the Peppermill for breakfast. Somewhere along the way, I slipped under a dark cloud. I was quiet and almost angry. We went to Target and Blockbuster and still this cloud followed me. Jesse asked me what was wrong and I almost couldn't pinpoint it. But it was fear.
I told him I didn't know what to do with him. I didn't want to fall back into the way things were because I'd be miserable if he left. He said he wasn't planning anything, and I knew that. But not planning doesn't necessarily mean he won't go off on another adventure. I said it would be stupid of me to leave myself open for a depressing repeat. I was scared and I was angry for no real reason. I didn't want to be, and I'm not sure if he understood my position. But it was the truth.
Eventually the cloud dissipated. I went to the gym, and to kick boxing, and didn't have time to dwell on it. Jesse was asleep when I got home (staying up past 8:30 has been an issue) but he woke up briefly before I went to bed and it was nice to have him there. It's been sunshine ever since.
