31 March 2008

A Strange Little Cloud

Thursday
27 March


We left the Wynn and went to the Peppermill for breakfast. Somewhere along the way, I slipped under a dark cloud. I was quiet and almost angry. We went to Target and Blockbuster and still this cloud followed me. Jesse asked me what was wrong and I almost couldn't pinpoint it. But it was fear.

I told him I didn't know what to do with him. I didn't want to fall back into the way things were because I'd be miserable if he left. He said he wasn't planning anything, and I knew that. But not planning doesn't necessarily mean he won't go off on another adventure. I said it would be stupid of me to leave myself open for a depressing repeat. I was scared and I was angry for no real reason. I didn't want to be, and I'm not sure if he understood my position. But it was the truth.

Eventually the cloud dissipated. I went to the gym, and to kick boxing, and didn't have time to dwell on it. Jesse was asleep when I got home (staying up past 8:30 has been an issue) but he woke up briefly before I went to bed and it was nice to have him there. It's been sunshine ever since.