06 March 2008

Just Not What I Expected

As I understand it, Christians give up something they love for Lent, so they can feel a piece of the sacrifice Jesus felt while roaming the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. It's about understanding through sacrifice. I gave up Jesse for Lent (he left Ash Wednesday and will be back Easter Monday) and as a result I'm understanding more about myself.

I can't say this time alone is going better or worse than I thought. I can only say it's different. I thought I'd be thinking about Jesse constantly, distracted from every task wondering what he was doing and how he was feeling. I thought I would cry every night from not being able to talk to him when I wanted. I thought I'd lose my appetite, stop caring about my appearance, and drink a lot. I know, I have a way of making everything seem like the end of the world. But I'm pleased to report none of that has happened.

Once we set the clocks forward, Jesse will be 16 hours ahead of Las Vegas time. When I'm up, he's sleeping. So there's no need to worry about what he's doing. He's online more than I anticipated, and we chat. He sounds settled. He knows what he wants to do when he gets back to the states, and while I haven't been clued in yet, he assures me I will be. I do get nervous if there's no word from him in 48 hours. Otherwise, I'm okay (finally) with the arrangement. But this blog is about me. It says so right in the top corner.

Hi. My name is Danie. I am as tidy as I think I am. I sleep sideways or curled in a ball and my feet rarely venture to the foot of the bed. I like having colored streaks in my hair. If no one else is disturbed by my alarm, I can snooze for a half hour. I like to sing whatever I'm thinking. I don't make a lot of laundry. I won't make pancakes for just myself. I am motivated by a deep sense of responsibility. I don't make time to check the mail. I buy things when I'm lonely. I have great friends.

All that in just three weeks. Not to mention I did my first spinning back kick today. I am full of mystery. I plan to have myself figured out when Jesse gets home. He'll present his plan, and I'll present me.