31 March 2008

A Strange Little Cloud

27 March

We left the Wynn and went to the Peppermill for breakfast. Somewhere along the way, I slipped under a dark cloud. I was quiet and almost angry. We went to Target and Blockbuster and still this cloud followed me. Jesse asked me what was wrong and I almost couldn't pinpoint it. But it was fear.

I told him I didn't know what to do with him. I didn't want to fall back into the way things were because I'd be miserable if he left. He said he wasn't planning anything, and I knew that. But not planning doesn't necessarily mean he won't go off on another adventure. I said it would be stupid of me to leave myself open for a depressing repeat. I was scared and I was angry for no real reason. I didn't want to be, and I'm not sure if he understood my position. But it was the truth.

Eventually the cloud dissipated. I went to the gym, and to kick boxing, and didn't have time to dwell on it. Jesse was asleep when I got home (staying up past 8:30 has been an issue) but he woke up briefly before I went to bed and it was nice to have him there. It's been sunshine ever since.

30 March 2008

Life With Jesse - Resumed

Jesse's back and things are not the same. He's different. I'm different. So things are different. However, different is good - and makes everything interesting.

Monday 24 March

Jesse got home late Monday night. I went to pick him up while Lucy made chocolate chip cookie bars. I tried to meet Jesse inside right before baggage claim. I was there (or somewhere) with camera in hand. But somehow he slipped out behind me. He waited for me on the walkway to short term parking and I almost passed him. He looked liked a scruffier - more homeless - Jesse than the one I sent to Thailand.

He hadn't shaved in weeks. Unfortunately that did not mean he had grown a complete mustache and / or beard. There was just scruff. He did get a nice tan and he did lose about 20 pounds. He had also been wearing (and sweating in) the same clothes for about 30 hours. Jesse was less than fresh and still I was all giggles to see, touch, and even smell my long lost boyfriend.

Back at home, something had gone horribly wrong with the cookie bars. I'm not sure what. I just know they didn't smell or taste right. Jesse tried to eat them (he really wanted to like them) but he couldn't do it. He moved on to ham & cheese and then it was time for presents.

Lucy got some tops to go over swimsuits and some pharmacy - grade sunglasses with "D & G" sketched on the side. I got new Muay Thai shorts, a bracelet, a head wrap, and a couple of little head scarves. Jesse was disappointed we still hadn't received postcards but overall it was a good haul.

Tuesday & Wednesday
25 & 26 March

I had planned to take Tuesday off so I could hang out with Jesse, but he swore he would be sleeping all day. So I maintained my new routine. After Muay Thai on Tuesday, the three of us went to Claim Jumper for dinner. After Muay Thai on Wednesday, the two of us stayed at the Wynn.

I've said it time and time again and I'll keep saying it: the Wynn is fantastic. It's just the ultimate in hospitality. And if you play poker there for six hours, you get more than 50% off a room for the night. The plan was for us to grab dinner from Maggianos across the street. But we did not account for the extreme laziness that comes from extreme comfort.

We ended up staying in, putting on the robes, and ordering room service. Yes. You could definitely say we were living the dream. It was perfect. I was asleep by 11. And I woke up Thursday refreshed and ready to start a four day weekend.

22 March 2008

Enough About Me?

Jesse comes home Monday night. As a result, he was much of the focus of today. Lucy and I went grocery shopping for the things Jesse will want to eat as soon as he gets home. Our grocery list included (but was not limited to) ham, cheese, milk, and chocolate chips. Once we got home, I checked up on his health insurance options and finished filing his taxes. I also laid out wax paper in his peanut butter toast spot. He doesn't use a plate and it's just easier to clean up that way. Somewhere along today's checklist I marveled at the transition from me, to he. It was almost too easy, and got me thinking.

I've done very little for Jesse in the last five weeks. In that same time, I've written more, spent more time with my friends, and established a whole new work out routine. I've been lonely, I've been bored, but overall, I've been content. I expect to make the leap to "happy" once Jesse's back. I'm not sure how's he's going to fit into my schedule though, since I have to work and I refuse to change my work out routine. Jesse also has a plan. I don't get to hear it until he's back. Hopefully we march to the beat of the same drummer. Otherwise there will be a ruckus.

19 March 2008

It's A Good Thing I Like Lemonade

I've been handed a lot of lemons lately. And I have made delicious lemonade.

Lemon: I woke up sick Saturday morning. I survived the work week dodging coughs and washing hands. I had some sneezes and a few sniffles, but I persevered. Until I woke up stuffed, clogged, and coughing.
Lemonade: I found discovered Halls Strawberry Cough Drops, and Puffs with Vicks. Those are two of the best products ever and I highly recommend them.

Lemon: I worked six days last week, including two overnight shifts.
Lemonade: I had crepes from Blueberry Hill after my Sunday morning show.

Lemon: I was so loopy Sunday night, I burned myself making popcorn. No, I did not run cold water on it. It barely showed up and it didn't really hurt -- at first. I woke up Monday with two lines of blisters.
Lemonade: I like watching skin heal.

Lemon: I was asked (and agreed) to stay late at work Monday afternoon, which meant I did not get to go to the gym before Muay Thai. I've made that a bit of a routine, so I was disappointed not to start with that on a Monday.
Lemonade: More overtime.

Lemon: I couldn't go to the gym before Muay Thai on Tuesday because I had to go to the doctor. I needed a refill on a prescription and to get blood test results. My doctor loves to send me to get blood tests. Something about keeping an eye on me. She also refuses to give me a year-long prescription, so I have to come see her every three months. It's actually quite devious.
Lemonade: My heart shrank. You may or may not know it had been enlarged.

Lemon: I told my doctor I was getting over a cold. She peeked inside my ear and said "No. You're starting a sinus infection."
Lemonade: She gave me two prescriptions, acknowledging that if I did get really sick, I still would not come see her.

I could continue: Wells Fargo canceled my debit card because I reported something questionable. That's good, but the bank did not give me time to withdraw any money. I had gas, groceries, and pills to buy.

But today went well. I got to go to the gym, pick up my prescription in between that and Muay Thai, and I have strawberries and grapes to eat. Life is good.

16 March 2008

Thank You Skype

The awesome discovery of the week is Skype. I guess it's not really a discovery. I knew it was there. And before he left, Jesse had said we might use it to chat. But a month afterwards, my headphones were collecting dust. We started using it just this past Thursday, and it was awesome.

Jesse is in Phuket, where the Internet cafes are cheap and the connection is fast. He uploaded dozens of pictures (which you can see through the links on the left) and we got to chat. The phone quality was great. The delay was barely noticeable. Jesse also had a web cam, so I could see him -- and his facial hair. He seems to be proud of it. Don't be fooled though, it's gross.

We talked for about an hour. In that time I saw people and stray dogs wander in behind him. We've talked on the phone since he got to Thailand, but this was the first time I'd seen him. He has a fantastic tan, shaggy hair, and of course his "beard." I've let him know that won't fly in the states.

So. I highly recommend Skype. I designed my own background and linked it to my myspace page. As soon as I make more friends in other countries, I'm going to use it a lot. I hope you do the same.

15 March 2008

I Am Smart!

I like to be self sufficient. Still -- having Jesse around has allowed me to be lazy in the computer department. He knows a lot more about computers than I do. And as things have needed to be fixed or upgraded it's become easier to ask him to do it, rather than to ask him to explain. Me having Jesse (and Jesse having Ryan as a reference) has served me well over the years. However, sometime during Jesse's I-have-to-go-to-Thailand crisis, he started slacking. Which may have been the best thing, as it has now led me to nearly complete self sufficiency.

My computer died in December. Dell decided to give me a new hard drive, but warned that I had to save all of my pictures somewhere else. I bought a storage unit and things got really technical.

I pulled out my hard drive (after Joel told me where it was), put it in a cozy carrying case (after Ryan told me what type to get), then Ubuntu (an operating system that runs off a single disc) to transfer the pictures & other stuff from the hard drive to the storage unit. That took two days. Then Dell gave me a new hard drive and a bunch of discs to start from scratch. I love it DIY projects.

It should be noted the entire idea to do what I did came from Jesse. He was the one who originally found Ubuntu and used it to build a computer for Lucy. So even though he did not help with the actual doing, he should be credited as the creative force/

I reinstalled programs. I put all the pictures, music, and documents back where they where. Lucy & I reconfigured the Internet encryption. We were back in business. That got us here, but there were still some problems.

I couldn't scroll, the page would jump. I couldn't play DVDs, there was some sort of copyright protection issue. I was still missing drivers. My computer was waking itself up at night. Jesse promised to take care of these things, but never got around to it. He went to Thailand and I went to work.

I called Dell about the DVD issue. Ninety minutes later, Dell promised to call back with a solution. Dell lied. Today I fixed everything, all by myself. I installed the missing drivers, which got the video working properly. I ordered my computer to hibernate every night. I also updated my screen saver and changed my color scheme. I knew how to do that before but still, it counts today. I feel so smart. Jesse is out of his I.T. job.

12 March 2008

Stand By Your Man? It Depends.

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned Wednesday. He gave a speech, saying "People regardless of their position or power take responsibility for their conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself." If you've been under a rock (or underwater off Ko Phi Phi), Spitzer has been using the services of high priced hookers. The FBI says he spent up to $80,000 on call girls from the Emporers Club VIP Escort Service. The cat was out of the bag on Monday. Spitzer his in his apartment all day Tuesday. He resigned Wednesday. Scandalous, yet slightly boring. My interest is in his wife.
Silda Wall Spitzer was there with her cheating husband when he spoke to the media Monday. She was there again Wednesday and for the life if me I don't understand why. Let's assume she did not notice her husband spent $80,000 of their money and let's assume he did not give her a sexually transmitted disease. He cheated. He cheated and the entire world knows. Silda: now is not the time to stand by your man.

There are instances when couples need to stick together. Support is important for career choices, large purchases, six week trips to Thailand, and the like. I mean I know I could count on Jesse to help me hide a body if things really went pear-shaped, and vice versa. But there is a very clear line -- somewhere before cheating and public humiliation.

Imagine finding out your significant other is "client number 9," and that he's spent $80,000 of our money on hookers. Now imagine hearing it from the FBI, or from him as the FBI is knocking at your door. Imagine the entire country takes time to notice your marriage is a sham. How could you then imagine standing by his side? Unless it's to push him off a cliff. Maybe Silda has something tucked into her colorful little neck scarf after all. Time will tell.

06 March 2008

Just Not What I Expected

As I understand it, Christians give up something they love for Lent, so they can feel a piece of the sacrifice Jesus felt while roaming the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. It's about understanding through sacrifice. I gave up Jesse for Lent (he left Ash Wednesday and will be back Easter Monday) and as a result I'm understanding more about myself.

I can't say this time alone is going better or worse than I thought. I can only say it's different. I thought I'd be thinking about Jesse constantly, distracted from every task wondering what he was doing and how he was feeling. I thought I would cry every night from not being able to talk to him when I wanted. I thought I'd lose my appetite, stop caring about my appearance, and drink a lot. I know, I have a way of making everything seem like the end of the world. But I'm pleased to report none of that has happened.

Once we set the clocks forward, Jesse will be 16 hours ahead of Las Vegas time. When I'm up, he's sleeping. So there's no need to worry about what he's doing. He's online more than I anticipated, and we chat. He sounds settled. He knows what he wants to do when he gets back to the states, and while I haven't been clued in yet, he assures me I will be. I do get nervous if there's no word from him in 48 hours. Otherwise, I'm okay (finally) with the arrangement. But this blog is about me. It says so right in the top corner.

Hi. My name is Danie. I am as tidy as I think I am. I sleep sideways or curled in a ball and my feet rarely venture to the foot of the bed. I like having colored streaks in my hair. If no one else is disturbed by my alarm, I can snooze for a half hour. I like to sing whatever I'm thinking. I don't make a lot of laundry. I won't make pancakes for just myself. I am motivated by a deep sense of responsibility. I don't make time to check the mail. I buy things when I'm lonely. I have great friends.

All that in just three weeks. Not to mention I did my first spinning back kick today. I am full of mystery. I plan to have myself figured out when Jesse gets home. He'll present his plan, and I'll present me.

05 March 2008

The Week On A Page

I do have things to report, and I am ready to report them. However, Cox Communications is playing games with my emotions, via my Internet service. I'm calling then as I type, so rest assured this will be resolved.
The first thing on my mind is that Patrick Swayze has cancer. The Associated Press says he has pancreatic cancer, but that he can still work and will continue his schedule. However, media in Australia are reporting Swayze has five weeks to live. Swayze's publicist said those reports were exaggerated. We'll see in five weeks.
Cox says they can't send a technician because my modem has no "history." Cox says everything appears to be working fine. Cox also said I could visit them online if I had any questions. I told Cox I could not visit them online -- because I can't get on the Internet. I have to call them from home and waste my daytime minutes.
It's be a very busy week for me. I've been going to the gym before kick boxing. Not sure if there has been any progress on the scale, because I am afraid to look. If the numbers are the same, I fear a plummet into depression.
I've heard from Jesse, but there haven't been any pictures or detailed e-mails. He says he's stopped writing in his journal and started reading on the beach. I reminded him he has a responsibility to the rest of us here in the states. We'll see what that gets me. Today he's going from Hat Ton Sai to Ko Phi Phi. When this is all over (19 days) I will be an expert in Thai geography.
I met Grand Master Toddy this week. He's the namesake of my Muay Thai school, but was apparently in Thailand until this week. Not sure if he and Jesse crossed paths. Master Toddy opened a school in Bangkok and apparently already has one in London. Master Toddy is a franchise. He's an impressive man. If I ever stop sparring to take pictures, I'll show you.