15 June 2006

The Eternal Sunburn

Jesse is hot. He's so hot his skin is peeling off. He's so hot that he thinks that he can take on the sun. Turns out Jesse's not that hot. His sexy tan (in my opinion) is bordering on melanoma.

I became aware of this tan while I was staying at the Wynn with Angie (those details ARE coming). Jesse presented himself to me and said something like: "I hurt."

I have been told to tell you Jesse did not pose for the above picture. I will volunteer that he is eating beans, and that his undies are falling because one time when I took him shopping for underwear, he grabbed the first pack he saw. Those undies were extra large and not medium. I didn't notice until I washed them but Jesse wears them nonetheless.

But anyway, once he stopped radiating, he started peeling and (I imagine) throbbing. It got ugly. First little clusters of peeling skin popped up across Jesse's back. He then volunteered me to cut open my aloe plant (that he tried to get me to leave in Fargo), squish the insides and rub the juice across his back. Hooray for me.

So I did it. And the little clusters got bigger. The flakes got bigger and the whole mess got uglier. I mean it was never fun, but it got disgusting. Jesse refused to go outside, but who could blame him after the way the sun treated him last week? He couldn't wear a shirt without scratching (and flaking) all over the place.

Then he declared himself "much better." He wanted to upgrade from the aloe plant, to aloe lotion. I told him the plant was the best thing going but he wanted lotion. So we went to Walgreen's and he picked up the first generic bottle of Walgreen's lotion with an aloe plant on the bottle. We went home and I applied this lotion quite liberally. I started at one shoulder and by the time I got to the other shoulder, he was screaming something about it burning.

I got a towel and wiped off the generic lotion as gently as possible. We then went back to the aloe plant. He wasn't so much better after all. But time, and some exfoliating gloves, will heal all things. The majority of the peeling has stopped. We're (I'm) still applying aloe. The results are promising. He might not have cancer after all. But I recommend everyone eligible for sunburn invest in an aloe plant.