22 February 2006

If: The Enemy

"If" is (for lack of a better phrase) a stupid word. It's just too powerful for it's simplicity. "If" brings the lure of chance. It also adds conditions to one's thoughts and aspirations.

Today my problem with "if" is it's determination to detract from the now. "If" is fantastical. It lets us know what could have been, without addressing what is. "If" opens old wounds for deeper exploration. "If" reminds us of unhappier times and how we felt then. Traveling down the "if" path almost negates progress made and ignores the ensuing positives.

I see "if" as fueling the bulldozer that's breaking up my family. "If," combined with the facts, dupes us into thinking we're moving forward when we're really just biding our time. It lets us talk about what we didn't like about the past, without actually saying anything. "If" lets us bring up irrelevant topics, point fingers, and hurt feelings. "If" is certainly the enemy.

But of all people, I know it's not all bad. Like I said, "if" brings the lure of chance."If" helps us hold out for miracles. It inspires hope and offers motivation in the face of almost certain defeat. Simply put: "if" gets us through.

For me, it's "If I can get through today, if I could start over, if he hadn't done that, if he hadn't said that, if there were a solution, if she could find a cure..." I'd be happier.